So Alone
by MistyLover87
Summary: Ash never predicted his life to turn out like this....


Just a one shot, possibly a sequel to follow, I don't know yet. Apologies for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes. Please review :)

**So Alone…**

_Ash gulped another mouthful of cold oxygen. It stung the back of his throat, but at least he could breathe again. He had been out of the smoke filled house barely ten seconds before the paramedics rammed the oxygen mask against his face. He was grateful for it though - His throat still felt like it was burning up, but at least it helped him refrain from constantly coughing. He glanced up at the window closest to his mother's room. Smoke was billowing out of the seams and obscuring the moonlight above, but the inferno that was the Ketchum house gave the town more light than any full moon could. Several firemen were wrestling with a hose, trying to keep a constant stream of water on the flames. Others were rushing around, appearing to do nothing in particular. Town residents watched in horror from a safe distance, all except Professor Oak and Gary, who were sitting with Ash on the back of the ambulance._

_Suddenly a group of firefighters burst out of the front door in a cloud of smoke. They hurried over to a second ambulance nearby, obviously carrying somebody – Ash's mother. Ash looked on as the paramedics conducted the same procedures on his mother they had done to him. They laid her flat on a stretcher, same as they had done to Ash. Next came the oxygen mask, same as they had done to Ash….but then they began doing something else…_

_Ash couldn't see clearly for the crowd of people that were obscuring his view, but he could see the others watching one of the older paramedics do something, which Ash assumed to be the head paramedic. He was sweating, panting…Every few seconds his head would disappear below the row of people, only to reappear several seconds later and continue again. This process repeated for several minutes until he suddenly stopped…_

_The crowd began to disperse slightly, and Ash noticed some of the firefighters had removed their hats and appeared to be holding back tears. As the crowd slowly vanished, Ash was able to catch a glimpse of the stretcher his mother was on._

_His heart skipped a beat at what he saw._

_A lone paramedic was slowly pulling the stretcher back into the ambulance. On the stretcher lay the shape of his mother…completely covered with a blanket._

_Ash blinked in shock. He couldn't believe it, he didn't want to…_

_The head paramedic came over and spoke to Professor Oak quietly. Ash listened, but could only make out a few words._

_"….serious burns….shock induced cardiac arrest…tried to restart…adrenalin shot…I'm very sorry Sir…"_

_Ash went numb._

_Oak looked over at Ash as the paramedic muttered something to him. Oak nodded sadly and walked over towards Ash. He put his hand on Ash's shoulder._

_"Ash, you need to know we're here for you…it's your mother…."_

_Like an explosion deep inside of him, Ash's emotion came pouring out. Tears exploded from his eyes and his whole body went limp. He opened his mouth and released a scream of pain…_

------ ---------------

Ash blinked, taking in his surroundings.

He felt the thudding in his chest slow back to a normal speed. He took in a deep breath as he rubbed his eyes and sat up to look at the clock, ticking away on his nightstand.

11:26

He collapsed back on his bed and curled up against his pillow once more. Why had he checked his clock? He put it down to old habits. Time wasn't important to him any more though. What did he have to be on time for? He was so alone….

For what felt like the zillionth time, Ash had been awoken by the nightmare of his mother's demise. Nightmare. Ash often wondered how the memory of that night which constantly haunted him could be classed as a nightmare. Sure, it had disturbed his sleep for years now, but as he recalled his own mother telling him when he was young, "Nightmares aren't real, they can't hurt you."

So how could this fit in with the definition of a nightmare? It was real, and it most definitely hurt him. The death of his mother haunted him constantly. It was the first time Ash had lost someone close to him. Now, he had lost almost all of them…

He had shut some of his closest friends out, some of them gone on to bigger things, and some he had simply lost contact with. Misty was the only one left now. He occasionally spoke with some of the others, but she was the only one he truly considered still to be a friend. So often he would catch himself daydreaming, wandering back to those good ol' days with her. How he simply assumed they would end up together, how it would all just fall into place…

But ten years on and here he was – unemployed, living in a one bedroom apartment in Saffron, and no real contact with humans other than her.

On the other hand, she was a successful gym leader and water Pokemon trainer living in Cerulean, in a long term relationship. Exactly like she used to tell Ash what her life would be like. Ash always used to scoff at her vision of the future. His vision was much better - He would be a Pokemon Master, he would be world famous, and secretly he hoped he would be with her.

But it had been two years since she started seeing that jerk. Ash assumed he was a jerk. He'd never really got to know the guy, but he had to be – he was seeing her. Ash knew she was serious about him, but he would never talk about it unless she herself brought it up. It felt bad enough that he wasn't the one with her. She was slipping away from him…

He reached over and grabbed the picture of her which sat on his nightstand. He stared at it for the millionth time. She was so beautiful. Such zest for life, such happiness. She always had that magical ability to cheer him up, make him feel good about himself again, and then pull him back to reality all within a single sentence. No-one else he'd ever met had that gift. She was such a special creature, so beautiful, so perfect…

He was so alone.

She was the only person left now. The others had all slipped away one by one since that horrific night all those years ago. May and Max were the first real friends he lost touch with. Ash had barely had a phone call or letter from either of them since he had returned to Kanto, and he hadn't heard from either of them since his mother's death. They had turned up to her funeral, and made brief conversation with Ash, but since then he had heard nothing from them. Not even one phone call. Ash wondered whether he still had their contact details now, it had been so long…

Ash had also lost touch with perhaps the only guiding figure left in his life after his mother's death – Professor Oak. Oak had taken the death of Delia Ketchum very hard. He still carried on his day to day life as he always had, but he seemed…lost. Ash noticed a very distinct change in him, from being the cheerful optimistic Oak he had known all his life, to a quiet, reserved man, whose mind would often begin to wander at the most inappropriate times. Gradually, he became more solitary and alone with his Pokemon. Ash often thought how Oak's reaction to the tragedy mirrored his own. Ash hadn't spoken to, or even seen him for a long time now. His picture had stopped appearing in newspapers, Pokemon journals, on the news…he had faded away from society.

Just like Ash had…

Ash sighed as he glanced up at the photos which adorned the wall. He was looking at one in particular: The one with Professor Oak handing ten year old Ash Ketchum his very first Pokemon.

"Pikachu…"

Ash's best buddy in the whole entire world. 'Best friends to the grave,' Ash recalled telling Pikachu. And indeed they were. Right to Pikachu's grave. Ash loved Pikachu more than most of his human friends….with the occasional exception…But Pokemon do not live as long as humans. Ash knew this, but he chose not to think about it- until it was upon him - When Pikachu lost his match….and didn't get up. He regained consciousness for a few days in the hospital, but gave up fighting shortly after. And so Ash attended his second funeral in the space of a few years. He had insisted that Pikachu be given the same ceremonial procedures that a human being would be given – the same as his mother just a few years earlier.

Yet somehow Ash didn't feel the pain of Pikachu's death quite as immediately as his mothers. In fact it was over a week before he shed any real tears over his companion's death – but then the floodgates opened. Ash began to sink into a pit of depression. Some days, sobbing uncontrollably, some days no emotion at all. One day he was perfectly normal, the next he refused to even open his eyes. It took a great deal of effort from Misty and Brock before he got somewhat back on the road to full health – his only two friends left by that point. Even Team Rocket had muttered something of an apology at Pikachu's funeral, then left. He hadn't seen that motley trio since either – why would they be interested now that the prized Pikachu wasn't around? It was a probably a good thing they had disappeared though, they never exactly did him any favours….

So after help from Misty and Brock, Ash was able to get back onto his feet and was prepared to start his journey again. It would feel weird without Pikachu at his side, but that had simply made him more determined. He had even patched up all differences with Gary, and so the four teenagers began travelling together. That was probably the only time since all of Ash's problems had begun that he felt he could put everything behind him and carry on. For a few months, Ash felt like he was beginning the rest of his life…until he realised he wasn't continuing where he left off – he was simply being carried by Gary's dream.

Ash reached under his bed and pulled out a scrapbook. He turned to a page near to the back of the book which was filled with photos of Gary with trophies, Gary winning battles, Gary in the newspapers…

What an enigma Gary was…

Gary Oak had become an incredible trainer. He had always been several steps ahead of Ash in training, and Ash had always resented that fact. Yet for a few months when Gary was travelling with the group, Ash had come to admire Gary's talent. He began to learn from him, understand what was behind Gary's ego, and get to know Gary again like he had when they were young. Ash supported Gary in competitions and tournaments, and was always ecstatic when Gary won. Ash entered these competitions as well, but never succeeded like Gary did. Ash was always pleased to see Gary triumph, both as a friend, and as a sort of apprentice. Ash knew that the better Gary got, the better he got too. He felt the pair of them were both on their way to the top together.

But then things changed. Gary began to start losing battles, failing to win competitions, then refusing to enter some competitions altogether. No-one seemed to understand why, least of all Ash. Yet Gary never appeared to be upset by it, almost as if he had lost interest. Before long, Ash became the top trainer in the group…but without Gary he had nothing to aim for, nobody to compete with, and no one to learn from. Gary returned to Pallet to work with his Grandfather, and not long after Ash gave up on his Pokemon dream. He became disinterested without Gary to compete with….

So that left Brock and Misty. They each returned to their respective hometowns, and kept in touch regularly. Brock got a scholarship to a Pokemon Breeders institute in Saffron city, and invited Ash and Misty to join him living in Saffron. Misty said she was pretty much in charge of the gym now, as her sisters were increasingly spending their time socializing and shopping, and so she stayed in Cerulean. Ash was bitterly disappointed that the three of them would not be getting back together, but he went with Brock anyway. Brock helped him set up in a little apartment in Saffron itself, as Brock had his own apartment closer to the institute. The plan was for Ash to get a job, or study, or just get his life going somehow. Well, that was the plan…

That was three years ago, and Ash was still unemployed. He was never short of money, for he only spent money on food and rent, and his mother had left him a large sum of money behind. That wasn't the point though. Staying unemployed meant Ash's life had become a daily grind of waking up, staying indoors watching the idiot box, eating, and then sleeping again. Brock had become quite involved with the institute by now, and rarely had any time to spend with Ash, except for the times he occasionally dropped round (Ash didn't look forward to those anymore – more often than not it ended up in another lecture from Brock…)

He was so alone…

Except for Misty.

To Ash, she was perfect. He would give anything to be with Misty. Just to hold her, to stroke her, to feel her touch….For two years now he had envied that jerk. Every time he saw Misty, the jerk was there. Touching her, holding her, kissing her….Yet Misty enjoyed it. She loved him. She wanted to be with him forever. She didn't want Ash…

As he stared at the photo of Misty in his hands, he felt his eyes begin to strain. He blinked slowly, allowing his vision to become watery. She was his only friend left. She was the one Ash loved…

"Ring-Ring-Ring! Phone Call Phone Call! Ring-Ring-Ring! Ring-Ring-Ring!"

Ash left it to click onto the automatic answer. No doubt another call from the landlord reminding him that he knew Ash had the money, so he better pay on time this month. Ash despised that guy…

"Hi, you've reached Ash Ketchum. Leave a message at the tone"

Bleep.

"Ash it's Misty! Please pick up if you're there…"

Ash remained on his bed, staring at the photo in his arms.

"Oh…well I was just calling to see if you wanted to come out for a meal tonight. There's loads of people joining us, and I really hope you can come, to have dinner with me and my…._FIANCÉ!_ Great news, huh?! Talk to you later Ashy-boy!"

Click.

Ash hugged the photo tighter than he had ever hugged anything in his life. He began to cry softly into the pillow, finally releasing the anguish inside of him.

He was so alone…


End file.
